Admittedly, I knew little to nothing about 'Birth Mother's' Day and had to look it up. According to the websites I've read through, it was a day started to acknowledge the motherhood and loss of mothers who have surrendered to adoption because surrendering mothers are not often viewed as mothers. (Correct me if I am wrong, please) it appears it was intended to raise awareness (not that I love the term "birth mother," don't get me wrong).
And just with National Adoption Awareness Month, which had the original intention of promoting the needs of the legally adoptable children in foster care but turned into an all out, unquestioned, celebration of all-things-adoption...... It appears as though "Birth Mother's" Day has become filled instead with industry language of celebration that falls back into the same-old,same-old of, whether people realize it or not, making a surrendering mother a mother.....with qualifiers. The opposite purpose of the reason the day was established. No wonder the mother bloggers I follow want nothing to do with it.
Both of my mothers will be honored on Mother's Day. My first mother does not need a qualifier. She does not need to be separated, alienated, or delineated from other mothers. A day to honor mothers is a day to honor her for being the wonderful mother that she is; period.
I understand that for so many mothers, Mother's Day is a hard day. So this Mother's Day, I will still say "Happy Mother's Day" intended for those who want to hear it to hear. And for those for whom Mother's Day is not a good day, know that you are on my heart this Sunday.
Thank you for your kindness and wisdom, Amanda. I am so happy you honor your First Mom and your Mom who raised you on the traditional Mother's Day. This does not happen for me and it is very hard indeed. I am glad not to be singled out as a "lesser" First Mother, yet the lack of any acknowledgement whatsoever hurts.
ReplyDeleteThanks for this post Amanda! Mother's Day has always been very hard for me because of the son who was not a part of my life, while at the same time wonderful because of the other three children who do call me "mom".
ReplyDeleteThe greatest Mother's Day gift I could receive is acknowledgement of my motherhood to ALL of my children ~ so thank you!
<3 Amanda!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Jane and Susie. Your mothers are very lucky to have an understanding daughter who recognizes the value of both mothers. I like what you have said in several of your posts about not elevating one mother over another. I think first mothers often feel we do not quite deserve the status of motherhood, probably because we were not recognized as real mothers when our lost children were born.
ReplyDeleteOne first mother initiated a Mother's Day writing campaign encouraging other mothers of loss to adoption to write letters to First Lady Michelle Obama, telling her our stories and advocating for adoptees' rights. I participated and I think I will feel much better this Mother's Day knowing I have done something positive to make a difference.
Happy Mother's Day to you, Amanda. I am sure you are enjoying those 2 precious boys. xoxo
Thanks for the wonderful post. Mother's Day for me has become harder since reunion.
ReplyDeleteHappy Mother's Day Amanda-- to you and your Moms!
ReplyDeleteI think "Birth Mother's Day" is an adoption industry ploy to convince the masses that surrendering mothers aren't equally mothers as the adopting ones. Like signing the relinquishment papers, they signed over their motherhoods and signing the adoption papers magically made adoptive mothers, mothers.
ReplyDeleteMotherhood is much more than what's on paper. (Adoptees usually have two mothers.) But, the industry only cares about paper, especially the green kind that they can take to the bank.
"Birth Mother's Day" needs to be erased from history just as my birth certificate has been.
Mother's Day is about celebrating ALL mothers.
-Mara
I am about to get ready to go to the Birthmothers day celebration I have been attending for the last 11 years. As a proud birthmother of a beautiful 15 year old girl in an open adoption it is a wonderful time of reflection on the journey we have gone through. I look forward every year to sharing the day surrounded by birthmothers who understand my pain and my joy. I have had the honor of meeting birthmothers from all backgrounds opened and closed adoptions, some who have never spoke of what they have and are going through. What a very powerful day.
ReplyDeleteOn Sunday I look forward to celebrating Mother's day with the most amazing woman my mother who loves me and knows me the way only she could. As well I cherish being a mother of two amazing children I am parenting who undoubtedly will make me beautiful cards, give me wonderful kisses and we will have fantastic day.
Christine