photo © 2010 Sean McMenemy | more info (via: Wylio)Shortly after publishing my "Dollars & $ense of Family Building: an Adult Adoptee's Response" entry, a conversation my first mom and I had a few days ago popped into my mind. I don't know why I didn't think to mention it. Instead of editing the original blog entry a million times, I will share it in a new entry here.
My first mom and I were on the phone, arranging her upcoming visit. She brings up the topic of an article she saw on Facebook about an adoption agency. She had tried to read the article but the link wasn't working. She asked me if I knew what the article had been about.
I did.
The article described a recent closure of a for-profit adoption agency because of the ethics surrounding the profit the agency had made (as in well over a million dollars).
How do you tell the mother that surrendered you to adoption about profiteering in adoption? How can you imagine that would make her feel?
I don't recall that she had a response after I answered her question about the article. It was a "there are no words for this" moment. As an adoptee, I can tell you that talking about how much money is made off of adoption gives you a feeling of utter disenfranchisement that is enough to take your breath away.
It wasn't our agency in the article but the feeling of "there are no words" is still the same. How do you tell the mother, who sat devestated and broken on the edge of a hospital bed while the social worker reminded her she had no money to care for her baby, that our not-for-profit adoption agency has a 65 million dollar budget and pays some of its executives six figures in salaries and benefits?
How do you tell your own mother something like that?
I didn't.
There are no words.
this is really powerful. I can't imagine even approaching that conversation.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with your post about the need to remove money from the equation. it's bad enough that agencies counseling expectant parents have a clear profit motive. as an adoptive parent, I think it would be even harder for everyone if money had been the reason behind our daughter's placement (it wasn't, thankfully).
anyway, thanks for sharing your perspective here.
I know this, as a mother, finding out that my baby was basically sold to an abusive couple, that was harder than anything that ever happened. Yes, they didn't pay much, why should they it was 1981 and she was bi-racial, but that they paid at all. A woman paid $500 for the privilege of taking a thriving 3 year old and turning her into someone that is impossible to be around for very long - an unhappy, unstable woman that I can't begin to help, no matter how much I love her.
ReplyDeleteHow do you tell her? I don't know.
As a mom who lost a child to this industry I can tell you how I feel about it.... ANGRY! Angry that money is still a motive in adoption. Angry that as humans we still haven't evolved past this point. Angry that so many people don't want to hear the truth about this or want to hide the truth about it. Thanks for talking about the money factor. It needs to be said over and over and over again.
ReplyDeleteYep, makes me mad, and sad, too. And I keep losing friends when I talk about the realities of the adoption industry because it's so unbelievable.
ReplyDeleteAmanda, this post gave me a lump in my throat...truly struck a chord in me...a very sad and outraged one...
ReplyDeleteCarlynne--"Angry that so many people don't want to hear the truth about this or want to hide the truth about it." Ain't that the darned truth.
Maru7--"I keep losing friends when I talk about the realities of the adoption industry because it's so unbelievable." Yep.
Your insight on this subject Amanda is always spot on. And your writing as always is an inspiration.
ReplyDeleteThere are few words to say to a mother, nothig I doubt would make her feel any better.There are however many words to say about the greedy, unethical exploitative adoption industry.
ReplyDelete