Is Adoption ALL you Ever Think About? (Some New Stuff)

As you know, I think it is vital for people to be able to listen to the voices of adult adoptees, especially when it comes to adoption issues.  Adoption culture has spent so long telling everyone that being adopted "is the same as" being a biological child.  In some regards, it is the same.  We are full and equal members of our families and because of that equality, there should be no problem embracing and discussing the differences that adoptees bring to the world and their families.  Silence about adoption issues should not be the ticket to being seen and treated equally as a member of your adoptive family.  Because of this culture of adoption, people haven't been going to adult adoptees for their responses on adoption-and-similar issues as much as they should have.  I think people get a glimpse of the importance when they participate in ventriloquism ("my sister's friend's cousin is adopted and she thinks/feels/says.....").  They're acknowledging that an adoptee is probably the best source for an issue which is why they've responded as if they can speak for one.  However, they fail to follow through and let the adoptee speak for themselves or ask the adoptee what they feel.


It has long been one of the ever-evolving missions of this blog to be just one more adoptee providing responses on adoption and a variety of political issues.  I want people to be reading our blogs, asking for adoptee commentary, and asking for adoptee participation where it would be vitally important.  I am always thinking of new ways to draw people to the adoptee community and to rally with us as allies and as friends.  People have said that more people will listen if adoptees voice their opinions only in certain ways.  This may be true as the saying goes, you get more flies with honey than vinegar.  However, there just seems to be something awfully unjust about asking the only people who can tell you what an experience is like to offer up that precious information, often information that evokes strong emotion and is hard to share, only if it is perfectly packaged in the way the listener wants to receive it.

On the other hand, one thing that I have been wondering that might be a barrier, at least for my blog, is the fact that most of my posts are directly adoption-related.  Someone not necessarily impacted by adoption may come here for an article or two that I've written about a current event but end up not following along because they do not identify with anything else here.  So they do not follow and they don't get to have regular access or exposure to the writings of someone who identifies as being adopted.  Perhaps there are adult adoptees out there who are at the stage in their life where they've worked out adoption issues and they don't want to think about adoption or being adopted all the time.  They might like to follow along with someone who identifies as adopted, someone they therefore identify with, and hear about other things that adopted person is doing.  Perhaps people are puzzled or put-off by the largely adoption-only content on this blog wondering if that's all I ever think of.

Well, I will clear at least one thing up there: adoption is not all I ever think about.  In fact, I spend most of my day doing four things: studying, chasing after my children, being delightfully happy that adoption is not ruining my day, and looking for chocolate.  It's true.  I'm fortunate to have a world renowned Chocolatier down the street from me who believes in leaving no chocolate craving unaddressed and who will open his little boutique up for you at any hour of the day or night.

MMMM....CHOCOLATE!

I think one misconception of a lot of adoption blogs, no matter what "triad" member is penning them, is that this is all the person ever thinks about.  After all, that's the only part of them, their online presence, that readers get to see.  You can have a blog about almost any topic such as feminism, parenting, cooking, product testing, photography, crafting, healthy living, or shopping and I don't think people assume that the person who pens a cooking blog or a shopping blog is just unhealthily consumed with cooking or shopping.  However, I do think that many people make this assumption about adoption authors because of the stereotypes of mental health against every triad member (and the stereotypes for each of us are different but pervasive).  I wish more people had a different and better understanding of adoption bloggers.  This blog being mostly about adoption does not represent an imbalance in my life where I am consumed with the topic.  This blog was never intended to represent a written form of my day-to-day life; just the adopted part of my life.  I work out what adoption-related things that come to mind here, for my own benefit and the benefit of others, so that my life can be balanced.

I will not say that being adopted is never hard or that things are always perfect.  But I have less of a need to work out concepts that I have interest in and more of a desire to talk about topics other people are interested in hearing about (which is why I asked for input).  It's why you've seen me give commentary on more current and political events lately.  I am not criticizing those that write about adoption-only (obviously), I am just trying to keep my blog current with my ever-evolving goals.  I would like to draw more people here for a variety of reasons so that they can, as a result, learn more about adult adoptees and adoption, in the process.  What I think I would like to start doing more is writing about more general life issues; things a broader variety of people can also identify with and things that adoptees who might want to hear from an adoptee but not necessarily about adoption all-the-time would want to read (and non-adopted triad members are welcome too, of course).  I'd like to talk more about life and parenting (without embarrassing the heck out of my sons by being too personal, of course), my quest to not abhor dislike cooking so much, and my love of art and crafting.

And of course, I'll still blog about adoption.  This will always be an adoption blog.  People should understand that this blog is written by an American, reunited-private-domestic-infant-same race-agency adult adoptee, wife, mother, Social Work student, Christian Universalist, unapologetic humanist and feminist, crafter, photographer, fire/police/EMS family member, horrible cook (so on and so forth) and that every part of my identity is in everything I write whether I expressly or specifically detail it out or not.

For blog entries that include general life topics with no specific adoption comparison, see my new Life Stuff tag.

PS. In case you're wondering, no, no one emailed me asking "is adoption all you ever think about?"  Most everyone who has ever written me has been very nice.  I used it as a title because people do often say this to (usually) adoptee and original mother bloggers (maybe AP bloggers too, I have no idea) and I thought it would be an ironic title.