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Showing posts from 2013


"It's my Job to Pay Attention:" New Conversations in the Shifting Paradigm of Adoption

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From a scrapbook my maternal aunt made me. The other day, I had an interesting exchange with one of my best friends.  She is not adopted.  Together, we spoke of family, life, and the holidays.  As I so often do when speaking of both of my mothers, I prefaced "mom" with each mother's first name. I have gotten into the habit of prefacing "mom" with each mother's first name for the sake of clarity.  Simply using "mom" when talking about both mothers in conversation seems to cause confusion.  People interrupt me mid-sentence, "wait, which mom?  Your real one or the other one?" so on and so forth.  The false dichotomization of mothers in adoption as "real" or "unreal" is a microaggression I try to avoid.  Apparently, I have adjusted my speech accordingly.  This friend stopped me in mid-sentence to offer commentary on my use of the word "mom," as so many people have done in the past.  However, what she said wa

Caring for the Adoptees in our Lives During the Holidays by Honoring their Definition of Family

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A holiday photo card for you, featuring an image of a gift to me from my original mother. Have you ever had one of those moments when someone says something to you that sums up an ocean of your own thoughts in just one sentence?  I will never forget the moment in undergrad when one of my favorite professors gave a short lecture on what's called the "strengths perspective."  The strengths perspective identifies acknowledges that all people have strengths that can be used to help them overcome problems.  By pathologizing someone instead--choosing to see deficits or assuming the worst of a person--we alienate them from their sources of strength.  We also alientate them from ourselves when we could potentially be a source of strength for each other.  Then he said it, the line I will never forget.   "Be careful not to define 'family' too narrowly for someone else.  Family is a source of strength for many people." Yes , I thought.   That . The title v

On Turning Five: Learning, Living, and Loving Through Memories

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I awoke this morning to the muffled sounds made by my two early-risers down in our kitchen.  My husband quietly sang "Happy Birthday" to our oldest son.  Today is my son's fifth birthday.  A string of memories played out in my mind. *** I remember my own fifth birthday like I remember no other birthday.  I awoke the morning of my fifth birthday in our green apartment where we lived until I was ten years old.  I threw off my bed spread and slid down the side of the mattress and box spring until my feet hit the cool, wheat colored hardwood floor.  I excitedly bypassed the enormous refrigerator box at the end of my bed that housed what could only be described as a "ball pit" of stuffed animals.  Normally, I would wake each morning and spring from my bed into my heap of stuffed animals.  That day I did not; I was simply too excited to delay.

Being Adopted and Mothering a Preschooler: The Family Trees Have Started Already

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"I thought I would have at least two more years before I would have to do this" I huffed in my husband's direction.  He looked puzzled.  I was performing my nightly comb-through of our oldest son's preschool bag, a canvas tote that I had carefully hand-painted with red and black swirls.  I had pulled out his penmanship practice papers, a mixed media collage shaped like an apple, and then I saw it.  A tree.  A large, finger-painted, green and brown tree on an oblong sheet of paper.  The instructions clipped to the top of the tree paper explained that parents were to paste on to the image pictures of family members to create a "family tree."  I held the tree up for my husband to see and he nodded.  He has witnessed my several-years-long effort to educate others on the acceptance of a person's family as they identify it, including my own right to include my original and adoptive families together in my own tree. Why did I have such a reluctant reaction

The Declassified Adoptee: Essays of an Adoption Activist.....Published!

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I already announced this on Facebook but haven't had a moment to update my blog.  With that said, I am so happy to announce that my book  The Declassified Adoptee: Essays of an Adoption Activist  was published on October 10, 2013 and is currently available as an eBook on Amazon.com.  Print copies will be sold on Amazon.com in November of this year. This book project was something of which I had never dreamed way back when I started blogging 4.5 years ago.  4.5 years ago I did not know that I enjoyed writing; I did not realize that I really had anything to write about.  Yet, here I am. I embarked on this blogging journey in an effort to locate my original family.  The process of searching soon became symbolic of finding myself.  The process of unsealing my records soon became symbolic of unfolding myself as a person who was adopted as a child.  Writing moved me from connecting to my family, to connecting to myself, to connecting to the larger community.  The time you have sp

The "Baby Veronica" Case Through the Eyes of One Adult Adoptee

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I have been watching the "Baby Veronica" case for some time now.  I have witnessed the reporting slants of various news outlets; the outrage of concerned citizens; the shock and grief of fellow adoptees; and the powerful replies of the First Nations.  I have observed some tout adoption as the right decision--not because little Veronica's father, family, and tribe are unavailable options--but based upon who legally out-maneuvered whom.  In fact, her father, family, and tribe are capable and fighting to care for her yet they have been rendered legally disenfranchised.  My heart is broken. Recently reviewing literature on the matter, I was sad to find that unmarried fathers and original fathers are the least represented, the least researched, the least legally protected, the least considered and supported, the least heard from, and the least understood parties within adoption.  This case has exposed numerous policy gaps; Father's Rights being just one of them.  I sh

The Life-Long Re-Processing of Being Adopted & Those Who Unknowingly Bear Witness

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I was ten years old when we moved into our bright blue house.  After living in an apartment for the first ten years of my life, this was an exciting move.  For the first time I could hang things on my wall and paint it whatever color I wanted.  I chose pink carpets and painted my walls a deep midnight blue.  I covered the ceiling with stars that glowed at night and filled one wall with stencils of fish.  On the far wall across from my bed I painted a mural of flowers.  A pink and blue flowered comforter was spread out across my bed topped with a themed pillow from the best movie ever ( The Lion King , of course).  This was perfect. Two homes on either side of ours were also being built.  A white SUV pulled up to the home on the right of our house.  A short, thin, young blonde woman got out.  Something immediately fascinated me about her. I was about twelve when Kelly* came over one day to talk to my mom.  Kelly thought we could all be friends because she was between our ages.  Ke

How to Testify at an Adoptee Rights Hearing: Hearing Footage and Other Good Stuff

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You know those memories that stick with you forever?  The ones where you say, "yes, this is why I am here, this is why I do this." Growing up, I shared many of the same adoption-related thoughts and feelings common to adopted children.  As a young adult, I started to ask, "what does being adopted mean to me?"  Through a series of life events, I decided to search for my original identity and family and obtain a deeper understanding of self.  On a blazing hot summer day about this time of year, I reached out to my state's confidential intermediary for an update on my request for my original birth certificate.  I had been accepting, up until that point, that maybe this information was not really mine to have.  When you grow up having little information, it's hard to figure out what of your history is really yours.  For some reason, I decided to gently share with the intermediary how hard waiting felt.  I will never forget her dry, disinterested reply.   "

Sharing Personal Adoption Details With Others: How Much is Too Much?

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I threw my arms around Amy’s* shoulders as she told me her news in excitement. She was pregnant for the first time. She and her husband had waited for the first three months before they shared the news publicly. “Please don’t tell anyone” Amy said, suddenly very serious. I wondered why she would think that I would share her special news with others. I must have appeared perplexed. “It’s just that I told my mom first. She was so excited about being a grandmother for the first time that she announced it to friends and family before I could,” Amy explained. “I hope I don’t sound petty she finished. “But this is my news to tell.” What does this story have to do with information-sharing in adoption? Simply put, it exemplifies one of many parts of life that makes sharing a story (any story) with others difficult—the intersectionality of our experiences with the experiences of others. In this story, one event simultaneously made one woman a mother for the first time and

In Sickness & Health.....and Search & Reunion? How my Husband Got it Right

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"I thought you sent those things in months ago."  I turned to see my husband standing next to me at the computer.  I was filing through a stack of photocopied pages that held the key to finding my original family and reuniting.  I shrugged.  I had just given birth to my first child, and had left my job to take care of him.  I could not justify spending the near $400 on something that I felt was only for my benefit.  I tried so hard to explain how thinking about taking on this process was making me feel.  I could not spend this money on myself or open this world of unknowns.  "Yes you can," he said.  "What benefits you benefits this family."  It was that day that I wrote the check and sent the forms to the intermediary.  Just what was is that made me walk to the mailbox that day and put this special envelope inside? I have written about the various many things that lead to me to engage in the search process for my original family.  It was a medical scare

I am Adopted, Reunited, and I Changed my Name: What does that Mean to the Adoption Community?

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Everyone who came with a lawyer was called first.  I sat alone on my wooden bench in the court room.  The room was smaller than I had imagined and full of people.  One by one I watched as various lawyers and court petitioners approached the podium pleading closure to important issues.  The judge was kind; the corners of his eyes crinkled with his sense of humor.  He called my name and I stepped forward.  He asked me why I was here.  I requested a name change.  He asked me to state in my own words why I wanted this name change. "I want to add two family surnames to my middle name and hyphenate my last name with my maiden and married names," I replied.  He looked pleasantly surprised and expressed fondness for my names.  He stated my new name for the court without one mispronunciation or skipping a beat.   The very name that I have identified with for the past three years was official. I finally did it.  It seems like forever ago that I arrived to the decision to change my

Mother's Day is for you too: A Letter to my Unknown Foster Mother

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I was delighted to discover that one of my blog posts from last year "A Letter to my Foster Mother" was nominated for the " Best of Writing About Adoption and Mother's Day " list at Open Adoption Bloggers.  Unfortunately, sometime between when I was nominated and when the award came out, I must have taken the post down as a part of re-vamping and re-freshing my blog.  It was a post that I had intended to add some things to and re-shape.  A year has gone by since I wrote it and there are some more things I would want my unknown foster other to know, if I had the chance to tell her.  So in honor of my old post being nominated for this award, I re-release the letter for you today. Dear Unknown Foster Mother, I have often wondered if you would remember me if we were to meet someday.  I wonder if I was just one child, or one baby, that you cared for or if there were many more.  How would I describe myself to you so that you would know which little baby was me?

Exploring the Richness of Identity: My Conversation with Susan Harris O’Connor about the Harris Racial Identity Model for Transracially Adopted Persons.

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Susan Harris O'Connor I first met Susan Harris O’Connor when she and I presented together on the adoption panel at the Civil Liberties and Public Policy Conference, last month. When we spent the day together, I learned about Susan’s work and her book. Her recently published book contains five of her life narratives that she has performed before numerous audiences, including Harvard Medical School, Yale Law and Smith College.   I highly recommend it  for anyone connected to adoption, regardless of your racial or ethnic background.  One piece in-particular caught my attention; her narrative had been woven around a racial identity model that she had developed for herself and to deepen the conversation around racial identity. I knew then that I had to learn more. A few nights ago, I was able to interview Susan on the phone. I asked Susan what prompted her to write The Harris Racial Identity Theory. She told me that Dr. Joyce Maguire Pavao asked her for her thoughts on raci

20 Quick Tips to Better Advocate for Yourself & Others

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In my four years identifying as an activist, I have had the opportunity to learn from other experienced activists as well as engage in the discussion of theories-of-change in my academic social work experience. As an activist, you are never done learning. While I have been an activist for only a short while now, part of my learning process is to explain to others what I have learned. How can we effect positive change if we don't pass on our knowledge to others to benefit from? The wonderful thing about so many of the tips I have written below is that they are applicable to advocacy at all levels. Meaning, they are skills that can be used whether advocating for yourself, for another individual, for a group or community, or for broad level policy changes. I have used these skills when calling utility companies to clear up discrepancies on my own household bills. I have used these skills to help clients reach resources within agencies that they need. I have also used these skills

The Child Catchers: a Guest Review by Sociologist Dr. Gretchen Sisson

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The Child Catchers: Changing adoption, challenging God's purpose Guest Review by Dr. Gretchen Sisson Systems of adoption have always been enmeshed with the goals of the religious. From the Orphan Trains of the nineteenth century, run by the Protestant Children’s Aid Society, which targeted the “slum” children of Catholic Irish and Italian immigrants (living immigrants, it should be noted; the “orphan” part of the name was a misnomer or, more likely, a lie), to the maternity homes of the twentieth century, so often run by the Catholic Church and targeting the newborns of unwed mothers. For each of these organizations (and countless others doing similar work), adoption has been alternately framed as a pathway towards religious redemption for parents who have committed the sin of non-marital pregnancy, or as an opportunity for salvation for children being reared outside of the true faith. In her new book, The Child Catchers: Rescue, Trafficking, and the New Gospel of Adoption, a

A Discussion of Adoption-Reconstruction Phase Theory with Dr. L. DiAnne Borders

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DiAnne and her son Jacob. Out of all of the theories that I have learned in my academic social work career, I find myself most drawn to theories described in phases and stages.  For me, they are easier to remember and often clearly lay out how individuals can evolve over time.  Theories and models don't describe everyone, but they're important to learn as a basis of understanding people and the challenges that they face.  A few years back, I was delighted to stumble upon an article that contained a phase theory for adult adoptees.  Written by L. DiAnne Borders, Judy Penny and Francie Portnoy, it was titled Reconstruction of Adoption Issues: Delineation of Five Phases Among Adult Adoptees and published in 2007 in the Journal Of Counseling & Development. The article described how feedback from a previous research project, where adoptees had responded in-depth about their narratives, prompted the researchers to investigate how adoptees reconstruct adoption.  After c

Becoming Adoption Changemakers & Reflecting on the Dialogue After the CLPP Conference

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Marisa, Amanda, Kat, Sue, and Gretchen. This past weekend, I had the honor of being on an incredible panel at the Civil Liberties and Public Policy Conference "From Abortion Rights to Social Justice: Building the Movement for Reproductive Freedom."  The plenary/Q&A panel was formed by sociologist, Dr. Gretchen Sisson and featured master social workers Kat Cooley (original mother) and Susan Harris O'Connor (adopted person), community organizer Marisa Howard-Karp (adoptive mother), and me. The purpose of the panel, plain and simple, was to put adoption discourse on the table.  The word--the concept--"adoption" pops up quite frequently in reproductive justice dialogue.  Yet what does it mean to be adopted, be an original parent, or be an adoptive parent?  Our panel let our audience know a bit about what it is like to be us as well as how to support those who live adoption.  We outlined this in inter-personal ways as well as on a macro-level.

The Other A-Word: A Stellar Conference Panel One Week From Today

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  One week from today, I will be speaking on a plenary panel at the Civil Liberties and Public Policy's Reproductive Justice conference. Included in the panel are Susan Harris O'Connor, MSW; Kate Livingston, PhD candidate; and community organizer, Marisa Howard Karp. The panel will be moderated by Sociologist, Dr. Gretchen Sisson. Session title: The Other A-Word: Adoption and Reproductive Justice 1:15 to 2:45, FPH 103: Adoption has been co-opted by anti-choice advocates as a “solution” to unplanned pregnancy, teen parenting, and pregnancy in poverty, but has been almost universally neglected by the reproductive justice movement. This panel will apply an RJ framework to thinking through adoption issues, from the struggle of adoptees to access vital documentation and medical history to how race, class and gender influence the experiences of both birth and adoptive parents. Adoption is a complex process that both builds families and engenders loss. Open adoptions, in part

How Not to Shut Down Adoption Discourse--or--How to Ask Someone About Their Family

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Those of us connected to adoption get asked some pretty intense questions whether from family members, friends, co-workers, or random strangers.  In fact, one of the most frequently written about topics in the larger adoption community is the "Things People Ask That They Shouldn't" variety.  The answers to the questions run the gamut from snark, to serious answers, to light-hearted replies.  More often than not, the responses send the message that people should feel badly for asking and that they shouldn't ask about adoption.  Perhaps even that they should ignore adoption.   It's not OK to ask anything .  But is shutting down adoption discourse what we really want? It's true that many of the questions those of us connected to adoption get asked are presumptive, too personal, or even unkind.  Perhaps unintentionally so.  This blog post won't tell the adoption community how to deal with the questions or overlook what makes them uncomfortable about certai

"My Name is not Mom": Why Identity is so Important to me

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"Hi, are you mom?" "My name is Amanda.  I am W's mom." "OK mom.  I'm your son's nurse.  I'll be taking care of him today." My son recently returned home after both of us had a week-long stay at the hospital.  He was the patient recovering from the effects of a virus on his little body.  I was the worried parent by his side.  During our ordeal, the above scenario played out over and over again, with a few exceptions, each time I would meet a new professional that needed to interact with my son. All of the professionals were both kind and knowledgeable.  The people who stood out to me the most were the ones who called me by my name, not "mom."  Calling me "mom" may have been their way of affirming an important role I have in my son's life.  However, calling my by my actual name instead is a matter of showing respect.  I am not their mom, I am my son's mom.

Why New York City's Anti-Teen Pregnancy Campaign is a Terrible Idea

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If you're visiting a New York City subway anytime soon, you might take notice of new posters featuring small, tearful children.  "Dad, you'll be paying to support me for the next 20 years" one poster reads.  New York City has embarked on a campaign aimed at reducing teen pregnancy rates.  The city hopes that by informing teens of the statistics citing poor outcomes for teen parents and their children, fewer teens will get pregnant.   Proponents of the campaign maintain that shame is an effective tool to keep teenagers from becoming pregnant.  Opponents point out that the campaign perpetuates gender stereotypes and misleads the public into believing that teen pregnancy is the cause of poverty.

My 40,000 Ancestors: the Defense of Adoptee Genealogical Research

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The use of the Internet to disseminate news has brought with it a new and revolutionary platform for opinions about current and historical events to be shared.  The relative anonymity that the internet provides allows readers to comment on these events in ways they might never speak in everyday life.  These comments express both what people really feel as well as harshness that few would ever unfurl before another person were they standing face-to-face.  In adoption news articles, this new reality is no exception.  Harsh feelings, double standards, and hurtful themes unfold before the eyes of the adoption community.  At times, this conjures a sense of hopelessness.  Will the general public ever truly come to understand the people of adoption? In adoption articles, we see the public's reaction to adoption issues, and we see how the reporting itself influences and conjures biases from readers.  Articles about happy reunions, for example, carry happy, congratulatory comments.  Art

The View from the Outside: My Aunt Stephanie Speaks

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You've read the story of how I first connected with my original family on Facebook three years ago, when I finally wrote about it in this post in 2011.  What you've never seen is the story from the other side of the computer.  My aunt has been a support to my original mom and was there when my mom received that Facebook message from me.  This is the story from her perspective. I still remember the day we decided to set up a Facebook account for my dear friend and sister-in-law. She was curious as everyone she knew had one, and asked me for help. It was a week before I could when she told me that she had a message and didn't know how to look at it. In fact, she didn't even know the person who sent it. We sat down at the laptop and opened it. We started reading it together and stopped after the first line and just looked at each other in shock. You see, my sister-in-law had given up a baby for adoption when she was 14. This unknown person was her daughter, who was

5 Things Adoptees Need to Hear from Absolutely Everyone

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One of the things people consistently ask me is, "I have a family member who doesn't understand my adopted loved one, how can I help them understand?"  There are many ways to respond.  I could refer them to information on adoption history.  I could make them aware of adoption statistics that dispel stereotypes.  I could send them links on adoption trauma theories or identity theories.  I could reference memoirs of other adoptees that prove any given adoptee isn't alone in how they feel.  Yet I still need to ask myself, "how helpful is this to the individual and their individual situation?" Books, research, and narratives are vital components of understanding the adoption experience--especially for those who are not adopted.  There are common adoption-related thoughts, feelings, and experiences among adoptees.  However, how these things intersect in an adoptee's story differ because every story is different.  When we talk about making interpersonal re

Why I Don't Support Compromise Legislation but Won't Fight About it Either

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Ahhh.  The art of demonstration poster making. Bills that seek to restore original birth certificate access to adoptees are popping up all over the country.  These bills come in two general forms; "increased access" (a.k.a "compromised") and "equal access."  There's a lot of debate about these two categories and whether or not the "increased access" bills should be supported by Adoptee Rights Activists.  Many heated arguments have been exchanged between activists in both camps.  This time around I'm asking: shouldn't the exchange about the validity of "increased access" and "equal access" take place between voters, policy makers, and large adoption lobbyists, rather than becoming a line drawn in the sand between activists? It is not a question as to whether or not "increased access" bills are inadequate.  It's generally agreed that equality is what everyone wants and is ideal.  The issue is wheth

Do we Really Know What Adoptees Are Thinking? 4 Reasons why I Reunited

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Some truth to this? Mary* was excited about her "gotcha day" each year.  "Gotcha day" is the day when adoptions are finalized, or for some adoptees, when they entered into the home of their adoptive parents.  Mary's "gotcha day" was like a second birthday, full of excitement and love.  Mary's fondness of her "gotcha day" was something I just couldn't identify with when she explained it to me.  I did not like my "gotcha day."  The year I was old enough to realize I had a special day in my family that acknowledged my adoption, I stated my preference not to observe it.  Even when a trip to the aquarium was arranged in the day's honor, I asked not to go.  "I have a birthday ," I told my adoptive mother.  And that was that. After reading this brief glimpse into the life stories of Mary and I, I wonder what people might assume about us and our experiences that led to our views on our "gotcha days."  I

Who is Entitled to my Gratitude?

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Have you ever seen an adoptee bristle, or felt yourself as an adoptee prickle, when someone mentions that adoptees need to be "grateful?"  Where does this reaction come from, and what's wrong with being "grateful" anyway?  Gratefulness is a wonderful attitude to have for life and blessings in-general. However, there's a distinct and unfortunate stereotype of "gratefulness" that adoptees tend to encounter. The "gratefulness" seen in family systems causes one generation to look with fondness and care on the previous generation, if they were well cared for by that generation. The adoption-stereotype-gratefulness takes this to an extreme.  It expects adoptees to leave things behind so as not to "upset" some invisible apple cart people imagine adoptive parents to have.  What we may be expected to leave behind are our original families, original identity, a quest for reunion or original documentation, or mentioning any personal fe

Why Conflating Adoption and Abortion Isn't Really Helping Anything

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Some activists, on both sides of limiting or expanding access to abortion, tend to shy away from critically discussing adoption. Some have strong opinions that adoption is an option for unplanned pregnancy, but lack an understanding adoption's impact on those who live it. For those whose primary definition of adoption is that it is alternative to abortion, they may be hesitant to question or change adoption policies. Some go as far as to support bad adoption policies based on how they feel it may impact abortion issues.  This brings me to ask the obvious question.  Shouldn't people active within the abortion debate expand their knowledge of adoption itself, before forming their opinions? Indeed, there are pregnant people who become pregnant and do not wish to have an abortion and also do not wish to parent. However, when this becomes every pregnant person's story, we've created a stereotype. With stereotypes, we overlook the needs of pregnant people who have abo

Cibu International Suggests Asian American Adoptee Takes Racist Product Names "too Personally"

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Gross . According to Cibu International, all one needs to know about Asian culture is "karate" and "take-out."  Sprinkle in a little sexist exotification of Asian women and viola, you've got yourself an entire line of shampoos and conditioners, including a detangler called "Miso Knotty" marketed alongside an image of a completely nude "Geisha."  Apparently, anyone with a dissenting opinion on Cibu's severe lack of judgement is being deleted from their Facebook page, including women of color who are considered "radical" for their concerns.  I got to interview the adoptee responsible for the Change.org petition that asks Cibu to do the right thing and change their product names (and imagery) at Land of Gazillion Adoptees.   Head on over and check it out .

Adult Adoptees on the Kojo Nnamdi Show--Tomorrow!

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Adoptee Rights will get an incredible spotlight tomorrow as Amanda Woolston, Susan Branco Alvarado, and Joy Lieberthal Rho are interviewed by Nnamdi on tough post-adoption issues and policy problems.  Among topics discussed will be the discriminatory way adoptees in the U.S. are expected to access their original birth certificates. The permanent link to the show can be found  here .  You can listen to it live on the web during the noon hour (the last 40 minutes of the hour are expected to be dedicated to these three adoptee professionals).  Transcripts and a recording of the segment should be made available on the page sometime after the conclusion of the segment.

How to Read an Adoptee Blog Without Getting Offended

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Reading other people's perceptions about adoption isn't always easy.  There are people within the adoption experience who have different roles in adoption that give them different perspectives.  Regardless of role in adoption, there are different feelings, opinions, and experiences.  Adoption is so deeply personal to those who live it.  Even though another person's experience may be different, when adoption is involved, it still may evoke an emotional reaction in ourselves in response. Often times, the personal discomfort brought about by reading a discussion on adoption, or something difficult about being adopted, must be addressed first before the message can be heard.  Here are some things that I keep in mind when I am reading another person's story and think readers of adoptee stories should keep in mind too.

6 Ways I've Come to Appreciate Biology Post-Reunion

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My hair. When it comes to reunion, some might argue that it is not a biological connection that the adoptee is seeking but rather a rekindling of the brief social relationship that began early in life.  As a reunited adoptee, I have never been able to categorize my reunion and reasoning for reuniting so neatly into two clearly separate parts.  At the moment of my birth, my connection to my original mother was comprised of biological, social, and legal ties.  Adoption cut off the social and legal ties with my family.  Adoption practices at the time attempted to cut the biological ties simply by limiting what I was permitted to know about my biological family.  However, adoption did not change my DNA or the fact that I am and always will be the biological relative of my first family. When I  reunited, I sought to re-establish my social connection with my biological roots.  With my planned incorporation of my original surnames into my legal name, I am seeking to regain some of the l

Guest Post: What do you Mean "Half Adopted?"

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Damian is a donor conceived person, a Medical Researcher, and blogger at Donated Generation  who lives in Southern Australia.  As we've chatted and read each other's blogs over time, we've discovered many shared thoughts and experiences.  I asked Damian to post as a guest here today, and to share with me his perceptions of how adoption and donor conception are similar.  By expanding my understanding on the experience of being donor conceived  and perhaps a reader's understanding too, I hope we can also expand the opportunities to be allies for each other in the quest for truth, identity, and all of our various family ties.  Building empathy for others has helped me immensely on my own journey being adopted; I wanted to share a bit of that with readers today. What do you mean "Half Adopted?" By Damian Adams I thought I’d use this post to discuss some of the similarities between adoption and donor conception (DC). While there are certainly some key

I Want to tell you a Story of What I Overcame

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"These were tough things in my life that adoption intersected through like a cannonball,  striking me right in my gut, leaving me feeling winded and sometimes defeated.  I would not get around these things.  I could not pretend like they did not exist."  I continue what I started here over at Lost Daughters .

I am Going to Tell you a Story

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I was uncharacteristically silent on my blog three years ago when I reunited.  I did not announce here that I had found my original family or that I met my original mother.  I mused about events in popular media in blog entries during that time, staying far away from my personal narrative.  I was frozen in silence from the shock of how real my story had become.  I was balancing a complex spectrum of emotions which I couldn't imagine putting into words. Two years ago, I told the stories of opening the envelope that contained my mother's contact information , contacting her for the first time , and of our first face to face meeting .  What I had gained throughout that first year of reunion was confidence.  What I had received from both families was the reassurance that I could view, interpret, and express my own story, even when it intersected with their stories, in my own voice.  Today, I am taking those stories I told last year and I will view them and write them through

Social Justice & the Russian Ban on US Adoptions

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Photo by Photo: Dmitry Astakhov published at USA Today In a recent political maneuver, Russia's Vladimir Putin announced that he was placing a ban on adoptions from Russia to the United States.  Putin's ban is reportedly in response to Obama signing the Magnitsky Act, a law which aims to punish Russian officials for human rights violations.  The media has responded in a frenzy.  News articles responding to this ban tend to represent a blend of two angles: the disappointment of prospective adoptive couples who will not be able to adopt from Russia, and the injustice of fewer available homes for institutionalized Russian children. Critiques of the ban largely neglect to mention what Harlow's Monkey pointed out in this eloquent piece , that this ban is exclusively for adoptions by U.S. citizens.  It does not mean Russian children are not being adopted domestically or internationally to other countries.  The responses of major media sources rely heavily on the view of th