Comments on The Declassified Adoptee: But I'm the REAL Mom! Important Lessons from the M...

The "real" parent appellation is absurd....

2012-01-10T09:21:14.109-05:00

The "real" parent appellation is absurd. People want to tell adoptees to love the family who raised them, but the comment alone must raise questions, and be a reminder that there is another "real" mother out there.

On a positive note, I will never forget the time my daughter's other mother said..."our daughter." It was a blessing and a relief. We were both her "real" mothers.

As for folks who point out to adoptees that the adoptive parents are the "real" parents...they oughtta walk in your shoes. What do you say? What can you say? How about:

"Thank you for sharing. I hadn't thought of that."

Whew! My head is spinning!! I agree it is up to ...

2012-01-09T18:18:47.861-05:00

Whew! My head is spinning!! I agree it is up to the child who was raised to determine who the "real" parents are.

I agree with you that the birth certificate should be a factual, legal document. It still floors me that in this day and age of heightened security it is stil OK to change birth certificates. My daughter's birth certificate is a lie. We have an adoption certificate that lists us as the parents, so why not leave the birth certificate with her bio parents names? We don't need two documents with our names. It's just wrong to lie on a legal document. Facts are facts.

It does get more difficult with the scenario in this post with one mom being the egg donor and one being the mom who gave birth. In that case, if only one "mom" can be listed, I have to say go with the one who gave birth. This is only because that is something that can be verified on the spot and is witnessed (usually). It may simply be too complicated to list egg donors on a birth certificate.

So that means....if you use a surrogate, the surrogate's name goes on the OBC. This is just what makes sense to me. It is a BIRTH certificate. Whoever gives BIRTH should be on that document.

Amen! In the case of the donor conceived: A per...

2012-01-09T15:06:23.753-05:00

Amen!

In the case of the donor conceived:

A person with an abusive or deadbeat biological father - whose parents stil had sex - may refer to him as "the sperm donor", whereas a person who is the offspring of an actual anonymous sperm donor might refer to that man as her "real father".

I'm all for honest, factual, and (if need be) open-ended birth certificates.

Mine states my social father as my biological father and I was entered under his last name. I see it as a forgery meant to mask this man's infertility.

!Amazing post, Amanda. As always, you cause me to ...

2012-01-09T14:12:57.502-05:00

!Amazing post, Amanda. As always, you cause me to open my mind and view this subject from a totally new perspective. I love that. I have always enjoyed and believed that we are all fluid in our own lifes, and we define what we need to embrace to make our own lives valid. Though we live in a world society or smaller societies within our own countries, states, neighborhoods, and families; only we determine how we define these roles of "mother and father" in our own experience. Brilliant post

I find this one tough... being a former foster wit...

2012-01-09T09:09:50.734-05:00

I find this one tough... being a former foster without family, a child whose mother despised her from birth, a mother, a mother who lost a child to adoption, a mother whose child that was lost to adoption was raised by abusive people, and a person still looking for who they really are.... to me, family means much... to my daughter, I mean nothing. It makes this one hard.

I find this topic to be so interesting because the...

2012-01-09T08:11:07.286-05:00

I find this topic to be so interesting because there is no clear black and white answer. It's a huge shade a gray and so hard to define. I like how you illustrated that point with a lot of scenarios that a lot of people don't think about when viewing this topic. Great post!