Comments on The Declassified Adoptee: Online Privacy: the Very True Confessions of a Bul...

A remarkable piece of writing, and your honesty an...

2012-01-30T17:47:15.636-05:00

A remarkable piece of writing, and your honesty and beauty shine through all the way.

I was bullied at school, which might have been my refuge, since my home environment was worse. If only there had been those "It Gets Better" videos and campaigns in my youth, things might have been more bearable. Your experiences absolutely will make you a better mom... trust me on that!

You are so amazing and pretty and precious and all...

2012-01-12T22:38:28.116-05:00

You are so amazing and pretty and precious and all the lovely things Amanda, I can imagine though that there are those that do not have the vision to see that.

Esp. with their middle-school eyeballs, you did well girl.

Joy

I was bullied too. Not necessarily because I was a...

2012-01-12T05:19:39.171-05:00

I was bullied too. Not necessarily because I was adopted - but because I had "slanty eyes."

I was lucky enough to have administration on my side, and my pupils ceased the teasing within class earshot, but any other time, I was "fair game."

I learned to keep my head down and my mouth shut. Part of that racial bullying is the result that I've never really learned how to deal with racist taunts effectively, because they never happen in the type of scenario where the person doing the taunting has to think about what their actions/words imply.

-Anonymouse

Thank you Amanda for your truth and for having the...

2012-01-12T02:44:27.479-05:00

Thank you Amanda for your truth and for having the courage to tell it here.I was targeted because I was a bastard it was fairly incomprehensible at a young age. I inadvertently found a solution which amazes me still.The experience helped form my sense of justice for which I am grateful although it doesn't always make life easy.

Can I recommend a book? I just finished reading Th...

2012-01-11T23:02:16.052-05:00

Can I recommend a book? I just finished reading The Geeks Shall Inherit the Earth my Alexandra Robbins, I think anyone who has been bullied, as well as all teachers & parents should read it. Really good.

Amanda, Thank you for posting this; I found myse...

2012-01-11T18:22:48.722-05:00

Amanda,

Thank you for posting this; I found myself remembering some pretty horrible middle school years of my own, where being adopted made me the target of some horrific bullying. From 5th grade through 8th, I got beat up at school nearly every day; in some ways it's really quite odd. I started studying Okinawan Karate in 2nd grade – by the time I was a 5th grader I knew more than enough to fight back quite handily, but I never did since it had been ingrained in me just how much trouble I would be in at home if I got in a fight at school. It went on until I came home from school one night in so much pain I couldn't walk.

A popular game at my middle school was "Peg", which you played with a tennis ball; to this day, I distinctly remember two of my classmates pinning me to the ground and a third throwing the tennis ball as hard as he could into my crotch at least 20 times. Seeing as I passed out from the pain at that point, I can only imagine that he kept on doing so until he finally got scared and ran away. I still remember waking up (next to a pool of my own vomit) and staggering into the gym and telling the teacher (Mr. Sinclair – I still hate him) what happened. He laughed.

I wasn't able to go back to school for about 2 weeks; I was so swollen that I couldn't put pants on. I can remember the night before I went back, my dad sat me down for a "talk". He's a huge guy compared to me – I'm 5'3" in my bare feet, and weigh in at 135. He's 6'2" and every bit of 200 pounds. He was absolutely in tears. Because of his size, he was never a target in school, and he felt like he had failed as a father (especially since he adopted me!) because he hadn't prepared me for bullying. He looked me right in my face and said, "Son, we're (surname here). We don't go hunting trouble, but if it finds you, you end it. I'll never say a word to you for fighting at school; not after this incident. If they ever put a hand on you again, break their arm." I also remember him telling me that every last bully was a coward, and the best way to prove it was by punching them in the nose.

So I went back to school and within minutes, the same kid that was behind the tennis ball incident slammed my head into the locker. I reached up to where my forehead struck the metal locker, and my hand came back bloody. It was the day I learned to fear my temper – I don't remember unloading on him. I don't remember being sent to the Assistant Principal's office. I don't remember him suspending me from school for fighting back. I was told (much later by my history teacher) that it took 4 teachers to pull me off the kid.

Perhaps it's the residue of my own middle school experience, but I am so sorry that we weren't in middle school together, Amanda. I've spent practically every day since then standing up for the folks on the receiving end of bullying. I wish I could have been there to stand up for you.

An important topic, beautifully written. Thank you...

2012-01-11T14:00:04.418-05:00

An important topic, beautifully written. Thank you Amanda, for shedding light into this dark corner.

Terra

I was bullied and my reaction was to shut down, di...

2012-01-11T12:34:37.444-05:00

I was bullied and my reaction was to shut down, disassociate myself from the event and had no ability to speak to my defense.

Later in my young adult life I was bullied by a fellow employee and I automatically shut down like I had as a child, and until the day the employer witnessed the attack it was allowed to continue and I was told to just try to get along (blame the victim).

Sad how society rejects standing up when someone states they were bullied or abused and instead prefers to downplay or ignore.

I think that being a foster child definitely made ...

2012-01-11T11:15:52.847-05:00

I think that being a foster child definitely made me a target. After years of being the one called "trash" "whore" and "throwaway" I finally just got a very thick skin and simply ignored people that were ignorant. It didn't change the bullying - which was renewed every time they moved me to a new home and school - but it did make it where I no longer cried or wanted to die on a daily basis.

I read the posting on the little girl being tormented and one of the comments struck home. The idea that teachers can be "friending" students that are minors is somehow repugnant to me. After all, students, particularly young students, are vulnerable to all kinds of things and I don't know about the rest of the world, but I believed that teachers walked on water when I was in school. If you are, as a teacher, sharing your whole life and all your friends with students, are you saying that you don't have that respect for yourself?

I think that teachers have a responsibility to remember that what they say online, considering how many parents allow their children to be online prior to coming of age or at least being a teen, is going to become public and no amount of "privacy" is or can be expected.

The whole thing is sad and I agree - I am so glad that FB and MS did not exist when I was young... being called a "loser whore that even your mother doesn't want" in person is bad enough. If it had been that public, I don't think I would have made it to adulthood.

Thank you for this thought-provoking post. I cert...

2012-01-11T08:34:54.852-05:00

Thank you for this thought-provoking post. I certainly worry about this issue a lot as a mother of young kids; and also as someone who too was "ugly" and tormented for that and the wrong clothes during middle school and early high school. Thanks for the reminder that what parents think is perfectly fine and reasonable may not seem that way to our kiddos and their peers.
Sara

You are amazing. Thank you for your strength and ...

2012-01-11T07:16:04.424-05:00

You are amazing. Thank you for your strength and bravery for sharing this post. <3