Because I blog about adoption so often and believe it is so important to offer the perspective of an adult adoptee on adoption and political issues, I found it necessary to design this page to put my adoption posts into context. Hopefully this page will give you some background on my views so that individual posts about adoption can be read and understood as I intend them to be. What I'd really like to avoid is, the "Angry Adoptee" stereotype that follows adoptees who do not sing the praises of adoption. We want our roots, our rights, and acknowledgement of being a part of our original families and because of it, we are seen as the products of failed adoptions. To the outside word, Adult Adoptees like me are viewed as either people whose adoptive parents failed or who are too self-absorbed to acknowledge the stereotypes and just "move on" (see Dr. Elizabeth Samuels' work for an amazing hypothesis on the origin of many adoption stereotypes).
This is probably the #1 question people have, so to get it out of the way, I had a good childhood and have a wonderful adoptive family and original family. I do not blog about adoption because I am an angry person or angry at any of my family members. I write about issues in adoption because I am adopted and I feel that it's the right thing to do.
Sensitive Content
I do not claim to be an expert on anything but my own experiences. I often post sensitive content about adoption, abortion, women's issues and rights, pregnancy and infertility, and health care. If you are sensitive to these topics, this blog or those particular posts may not be for you. All comments made on my blog are public and can be seen by anyone. Please keep that in mind when commenting on a blog entry. I allow anonymous commenting because I understand some people may like to share something without being identified.
Where Did My Views Come From?
Experiencing discrimination when I wanted to learn more about my roots as well as reunite sparked a desire in me to work for change. I began reading professional journals and pouring through empirical and theoretical research about any topic involving adoption. The first adoption article I picked up and read, over and over again, was a study by an adoption agency regarding the reasons why women surrender children. The researcher, employed by the agency, found that open adoptions are favorable because openness encourages women to surrender their babies. It bewildered me that surrender would ever be favorable--I thought it was a given that families should be helped to stay together and that women would only surrender if they wanted to. Since reading my first article, I have poured over thousands of pages of articles and books and have talked to countless other individuals impacted by adoption and have come to the conclusion:
Under the guise of humanitarian aide, adoption is a 3 billion dollar per year (and rising), unregulated industry that is inappropriately responding to the demand placed on it, is understood mostly by stereotypes, and is largely supported by an oblivious society. It has a horrendously unethical history it has yet to apologize for and has yet to declare a new plan for change for an ethical present and future. As adoption often impacts the lives of society's most vulnerable individuals, women, children, and the poor, we cannot remain oblivious any longer.
"Where there is where dignity unless there is honesty?" --Cicero
Adoptive Parents
One of the top responses I hear about Adoptee Rights and Adoption Reform is the question: do activists have something against adoptive parents? Adoption is how adoptive parents, who in a lot of cases are unable to become parents any other way, form families. It is this single-sided view of adoption that is a disservice to everyone. Adoption is also how children deal with the loss of one family and are provided with homes and new families. It is how adult adoptees grow up and assign new meaning to adoption throughout different stages of life. It is also how the original family deals with the loss of a family member. Adoptee Rights is about respect for those who are adopted. Adoption Reform is about making adoption better for everyone. Everyone needs to remember, adoption is an institution, not a person. We should be able to talk about, critique, and improve adoption without feeling like we are talking about, critiquing, or insulting people. The Adoptee Rights and Adoption Reform movement are not solely comprised of adult adoptees and is not meant to exclude anyone from any part of the triad/constellation/web (or "hellagon" as my friend, Joy, has nicknamed it). We are supported by original and adoptive families, our extended families, friends, those with like-circumstances (e.g. the donor conceived and foster alumni), and allies of all backgrounds, nationalities, types of adoption, political affiliations, races, ethnicities, religions, gender identities, and gay and lesbian individuals.
Blog Mission & Content
This blog is by an adoptee, for adoptees, to promote the concepts of adoptee individuality and autonomy and adoptee liberation (meaning, a movement to negate adoptee discrimination and stereotypes, ignorance of adoptee-unique issues, and injustice in adoption policy). This is an adoptee blog, but any one with a respectful opinion about an issue is welcome here.
Acknowledging my Privilege
As I am a white, cisgender, heterosexual, Christian, middle-class individual: I acknowledge I have privilege in society. Because of privilege, there are privileges I likely have that I am completely oblivious to. Even in the adoptee community I have privileges in some aspects but not others. I do not know what it is like to be rejected at reunion. I do not know what it is like to speak a different language than my original family. I do not experience racism or prejudice for being raised by a family who is not in my racial group. I won't pretend to know what those experiences are like. I try my best to be inclusive, sensitive and respectful of others, especially those whose shoes I do not walk in. If I phrase something in a way that is not sensitive to your group, please let me know.
Acknowledge your Privilege
If you have biologically-raised privilege (e.g. you do not know what it is like not to be around people who look like you or go without family medical history) or non-adopted privilege (e.g. you do not know what it is like to lack access to your own birth certificate and original identity), please consider that you do not know what those things are like. Be respectful of those who do when they share their stories. Do not assume that you can speak for someone else you may know whose shoes you do not walk in (ventriloquism) or that you understand completely what their experience, or my experience, is like.
Perinatal Psychology & the Social Context of Loss
I personally acknowledge many aspect of Verrier's famous "Primal Wound" theory. Regardless of whether or not someone accepts Verrier's theory, medical professionals in this day and age are telling their patients that continued bonding and closeness after birth is healthy for mothers and babies. While many people feel that the jury is still out, so to speak, on attachment and bonding and whether it occurs during pregnancy, at birth, shortly after birth, or sometime later in development, continued closeness is still what is being recommended. If closeness with one's mother is what is being recommended to women as in their best interest and the best interest of babies, it would make sense for society to explore how then not having this continued closeness would impact babies surrendered to adoption. It makes no sense to acknowledge one thing for some infants but not for others simply because adoption is involved.
"Babies know more than they are supposed to know. Minutes after birth, a baby can pick out his mother's face--which he has never seen--from a gallery of photos...The newly discovered truth is that newborn babies have all their senses and make use of them just as the rest of us do. Their cries of pain are authentic. Babies are not unfeeling; it is we who have been unfeeling." --Dr. David Chamberlain from his book Babies Remember Birth, as quoted in The Primal Wound by Nancy Newton Verrier, Adoptive Mother and Psychotherapist.
Adoption loss is recognized and processed in different ways throughout one's lifespan (see Brodzinsky, Schechter, & Henig, 1993). Adoption may also be processed in different phases (see Penny, Borders, & Portnoy, 2007). There's also the social context of loss where most people generally are able to embrace both nature and nurture in their upbringing, never giving it a second thought, where the adopted do not have such a privilege to integrate into their transition throughout life's stages. Adoptees can gain a family through adoption but the fact remains that in order to do so, they had to lose a family first. That loss can be painful, no matter how wonderful someone views adoption as being, no matter what type of adoption, and no matter what age someone was adopted.
Adoptees are certainly entitled to feelings of grief and acknowledgement of unique issues and should never be made to feel badly or "flawed" for expressing how they feel simply because the surrounding world may not understand or empathize. There are adoptees on all sides of a spectrum of feeling both positively or negatively towards adoption; the "good/bad" adoptee or "angry/happy" adoptee are false dichotomies. Unfortunately, it's the societal notion that so many "know a cousin who has a friend whose sister is adopted and is 'fine' with it" that keeps the focus off of the fact that we ought to seek to be reducing the losses and stresses on infants and children whenever we can. An "all's well that ends well" view of adoption and using one adoptee as the standard against another will not make adoption more ethical.
"No one yet has put into words the complexity of being adopted. " -- BJ Lifton, Adult Adoptee, Author, Psychotherapist
Adoption & History
The adorable version of adoption and history says that adoption began with the Bible, naming several courageous Biblical characters and ends usually with some notion as to how it continues to "touch" our lives today (see Witte, 2009, for info on Biblical adoptions).
This is a more accurate account of the history of U.S. adoption. Adoption began as an institution to care for abandoned and orphaned children--some who had no home or parents, and some who were disenfranchised by the shame of their birth status (e.g. illegitimacy). Adoptions in the U.S. were once very rare; orphaned and abandoned children often had horrible fates and if they were adopted were often done so with the intention of being servants and workers. As adoption popularized in the United States, the U.S. and several countries worldwide had an era of forced and coerced adoptions--one Western Australia has apologized for but most others refuse to acknowledge. Unfortunately, antiquated laws that allowed unethical adoption practices to be swept under the rug, even those likely influenced by confirmed domestic Child Trafficker, Georgia Tann, are still on the books today (for more information, see works by Barbara Bisanz Raymond, Rickie Solinger, and Ann Fessler).
"You can only understand the difference between relinquishment and surrender by considering the cruel truth that is at heart at the illusion of choice. Relinquishment is something you can choose, surrender is something that you have to give in to because the forces weighed against you are much too powerful to give you any choice." --Rickie Solinger, Leading Independent Women's Historian and Author
Modern Adoption Practices
I do not agree with most adoption practices of the past and I do not agree with most adoption practices now. I believe that practices such as promised but unenforceable openness, "dear birthmother" letters, and pre-birth matching are coercive. I think "adoption profiles" with detailed accounts and pictures of prospective parent(s) wealth, coupled with the usual introduction about how "selfless" an expectant mother is for considering adoption, do not create an environment for uninfluenced decision-making. I think society needs to get over this idea that single mothers or families with low-income shouldn't be procreating or raising children and using issues of class to push adoption on individuals and couples who need to make the choice for themselves as to whether or not they would like to parent.
"I've talked to a lot of pregnant young women, and they have all kinds of thoughts about [finding a nice family] before the baby's born. They're absolutely sure they're going to give it up, etc. They haven't yet really seen it as a baby, as a real, live baby. And so I mean, many of them do want to have the parents there [before/during the birth], but some of them, later, look back on it and think it was very coercive, and are angry about it. At the time it seems supportive, but afterwards, looking back on it, it seems very coercive." --Nancy Newton Verrier, Adoptive Mother, Adoption Author, Psychotherapist
I do not agree with most adoption practices of the past and I do not agree with most adoption practices now. I believe that practices such as promised but unenforceable openness, "dear birthmother" letters, and pre-birth matching are coercive. I think "adoption profiles" with detailed accounts and pictures of prospective parent(s) wealth, coupled with the usual introduction about how "selfless" an expectant mother is for considering adoption, do not create an environment for uninfluenced decision-making. I think society needs to get over this idea that single mothers or families with low-income shouldn't be procreating or raising children and using issues of class to push adoption on individuals and couples who need to make the choice for themselves as to whether or not they would like to parent.
"I've talked to a lot of pregnant young women, and they have all kinds of thoughts about [finding a nice family] before the baby's born. They're absolutely sure they're going to give it up, etc. They haven't yet really seen it as a baby, as a real, live baby. And so I mean, many of them do want to have the parents there [before/during the birth], but some of them, later, look back on it and think it was very coercive, and are angry about it. At the time it seems supportive, but afterwards, looking back on it, it seems very coercive." --Nancy Newton Verrier, Adoptive Mother, Adoption Author, Psychotherapist
Women's Equality
In the United States, households headed by single women are the most likely to live in poverty.
Adoption fails to acknowledge the lack of equality of women in society. Women, who are often times the caregivers to their children, as well as raising children as single mothers, may not find advancement come as easy as it does for men. Mothers with child care responsibilities may have trouble finding good paying jobs that accommodate their schedule and responsibilities as a mother. They may have trouble affording day care so that they can work. They may have trouble attaining and education if the school they attend has classes scheduled that cater more to students living on campus or for those may not be working around children's schedules. The answer to these dilemmas that mothers, especially in poverty, may be presented with, is to surrender to adoption. Having someone else raise her child so that she can navigate a school schedule, work schedule, or just plain make-ends-meet is a reaction to the problem of inequality women face. Instead of perpetuating women's inequality by urging adoption, we should be seeking to correct the societal issues that put women in the position of having to choose between providing for themselves and raising their children in the first place. When will society ask itself to be "selfless" and support the needs of women and their right to find the same advancement men have, while nurturing their children?
"I've yet to be on a campus where most women weren't worrying about some aspect of combining marriage, children, and a career. I've yet to find one where many men were worrying about the same thing." --Gloria Steinem
(Really) Respectful Adoption Language
I reject the use of "Positive Adoption Language" (aka "PAL" or "RAL"). "PAL" respects the institution of adoption above the individuals it impacts. It glosses over the gravity of many aspects of adoption and establishes a family hierarchy on behalf of the adoptee. Everyone within adoption has the right to self-identity, give themselves their own chosen label, or not be labeled at all if they do not wish to be. Adult adoptees should be free to embrace family members how they feel fit and not made to feel "disloyal" if they desire to incorporate both families into their lives.
Adult adoptees should never be referred to as "children," "adopted children," or "adult children." The fact that legislators, journalists and even people in every-day conversation alike still blanket all adoptees as "children" goes to show you that our adulthood wasn't anticipated in our adoptions legally and it is not acknowledged socially either. "Adults adopted as children," "adult adoptee," "son" or "daughter," and the word "descendant" are probably better to use.
I, personally, do not use the "birth" prefixes because as a feminist, I feel it reduces women to walking uteruses who are labeled by their reproductive choices. I find PAL's term "birth woman" completely offensive and unacceptable. My original mother does not like to be called a "birth mother" or "birthmother" and I respect her wishes. Both of my moms are just "mom."
"Adoption Loss is the only trauma in the world where the victims are expected by the whole of society to be grateful" --The Reverend Keith C. Griffith, MBE
"Adoption Loss is the only trauma in the world where the victims are expected by the whole of society to be grateful" --The Reverend Keith C. Griffith, MBE
Stereotypes
"Aren't you grateful you weren't aborted?" "Your _____ family is your real family." "Oh my goodness, what do your adoptive parents think?!" "Don't you realize she didn't want you?" "I don't think I could ever love a child that wasn't mine." "Aren't we all kind of adopted?" "Well, at least she didn't put you in a dumpster," "You're searching? Why are you disrupting everyones lives like that?" "You want to know your roots? How incredibly self-absorbed you must be. Don't you realize your parents adopted you because they wanted a child, not so the child could try to be a part of another family?" "I'm sorry you're so angry about your 'rights,' would you rather be in an orphanage?" "You're adopted? Aww, that's so cute!" "Your parents were just trying to have a family like everyone else. Why are you ruining it?" "Aren't you grateful that someone took care of you?" "Why do you care about your biological information? I was raised by my biological family and none of that matters to me." "Oh gosh, everyone thinks they have a 'right' to something these days. Just 'move on' with your life." "Your parents paid a lot of money and went through a lot of trouble to get you; you belong to them." "My kid won't turn out like you." "Oh, I know someone who is adopted. Her parents treat her just like a real daughter." "You must be a terribly 'poorly adjusted' person." "Well, at least someone wanted you." "What an ungrateful bastard you are." "Eww, what if you find her and she's sick or wants money?"
I could go on (and on).
When I talk about Adoptee Rights, adoption reform, search and reunion, or just say the phrase "I'm adopted," I regularly receive these responses (and many others, some which I didn't mention because they're quite crude) from other people. Many adoptees experience this because this is how our society, influenced by the dramatic portrayal and mockery of adoption situations in the media for entertainment, views adoption. And people wonder why so many adoptees don't or won't talk about being adopted. Stereotypes are hurtful, belittling, disempowering; it's just not OK.
The Adoptee Rights / Adoptee Liberation Movement has worked very hard to take back the words "adoptee," which is often seen as a negative label and the word "bastard" as adoption has historically gone hand-in-hand with illegitimacy and now carries a lot of the stigma that was once attached to illegitimacy. I encourage people to please reconsider using the word "bastard" as an insult; it is as hurtful to us as any other derrogatory term is to any other group.
The Adoptee Rights / Adoptee Liberation Movement has worked very hard to take back the words "adoptee," which is often seen as a negative label and the word "bastard" as adoption has historically gone hand-in-hand with illegitimacy and now carries a lot of the stigma that was once attached to illegitimacy. I encourage people to please reconsider using the word "bastard" as an insult; it is as hurtful to us as any other derrogatory term is to any other group.
"Instead of being presented with stereotypes by age, sex, color, class, or religion, children must have the opportunity to learn that within each range, some people are loathsome and some are delightful." --Margaret Mead
Adoptee Rights
I support an Adult Adoptee's Civil Right to equal access to their Original Birth Certificate just as state governments make available to every other non-adopted citizen. I support the Basic Human Right of Adult Adoptee's to know who they are and where they come from. Both going forward and retroactively. I am against the practice of amending and sealing--the government should never, ever participate in deceiving its citizens.
Adoptee Rights
I support an Adult Adoptee's Civil Right to equal access to their Original Birth Certificate just as state governments make available to every other non-adopted citizen. I support the Basic Human Right of Adult Adoptee's to know who they are and where they come from. Both going forward and retroactively. I am against the practice of amending and sealing--the government should never, ever participate in deceiving its citizens.
"Not to have knowledge of what happened before you were born is to be condemned to live forever as a child" --Cicero (c. 106-43 BC)
Family Preservation
I believe that all efforts should be made to keep families together because that is how I would want to be treated and how I would want my family to be treated. I would not want to be advertised to, called "selfless," regaled with pictures of well-to-do couples, and encouraged to part ways with my own flesh and blood as a solution to temporary poverty or unpreparedness. Children no matter how young, should not have to experience separation from the only mothers they've ever known when it is not necessary. It's true that there are some parents who have no desire to parent. For the ones that do, adequate support systems ought to be in place.
I believe that all efforts should be made to keep families together because that is how I would want to be treated and how I would want my family to be treated. I would not want to be advertised to, called "selfless," regaled with pictures of well-to-do couples, and encouraged to part ways with my own flesh and blood as a solution to temporary poverty or unpreparedness. Children no matter how young, should not have to experience separation from the only mothers they've ever known when it is not necessary. It's true that there are some parents who have no desire to parent. For the ones that do, adequate support systems ought to be in place.
"Every child has the right to know and be cared for by his or her own parents, whenever possible. UNICEF believes that families needing support to care for their children should receive it." --UNICEF
What is "Anti-Adoption?"
Anti-adoption has an array of meanings and implications, depending upon the context.
"Anti-Adoption" is a label often used by Anti-Adoptee-Rights groups who promote the unfounded assertion that allowing Adult Adoptees the same access to their birth documentation the non-adopted receive will ruin adoption.
"Anti-Adoption" is also a label used by those who do not understand the Family Preservation Movement to assert the notion that Family Preservation Advocates do not want needy and abandoned children to have homes and parents. In reality, Family Preservation Advocates promote benefits to children, such as social welfare programs to keep families together, women's rights to end the stigmas that keep single mothers from raising their children, and also advocate for the adoption of those children who truly do need it.
"Anti-Adoption" also refers to individuals who wish to eradicate adoption and replace it with permanent guardianship.
I am not "Anti-Adoption." I am Pro Adoption-Reform.
Pro-adoption means the unquestioning praise and support of all of adoption in its current form and the denial of any ethical issues or ambivalence about the adoption experience. BJ Lifton describes so well what "pro-adoption" ought to mean:
"[Pro-adoption should mean] working for adoption reform-for a healthy adoption system that has open adoption and open records and that respects both the human and civil rights of the adopted child." --B.J. Lifton, Journey of the Adopted Self: a Quest for Wholeness, 1994
I am not "Anti-Adoption." I am Pro Adoption-Reform.
Pro-adoption means the unquestioning praise and support of all of adoption in its current form and the denial of any ethical issues or ambivalence about the adoption experience. BJ Lifton describes so well what "pro-adoption" ought to mean:
"[Pro-adoption should mean] working for adoption reform-for a healthy adoption system that has open adoption and open records and that respects both the human and civil rights of the adopted child." --B.J. Lifton, Journey of the Adopted Self: a Quest for Wholeness, 1994
Adoption & Christianity
As a Christian and a former very Conservative Christian, I believe that Christianity as a whole has largely handled adoption irresponsibly and has inappropriately correlated modern, physical adoption with salvation that is often referred to as "spiritual adoption." First and foremost, spiritual adoption is the reunification of people to God's original family. Physical parallels of spiritual adoption are Family Preservation and Reunion. It is the missing sheep back into the fold. It is the missing coin back into the purse. It is the missing son back into his father's arms. Modern adoption is the creation of a new family after enduring the loss of the original family.
The concept of salvation is that God's people are saved from a horrible fate and brought back into God's family after falling away from him. This in no way compares to physical adoption. Adoptees did not "fall away" from anything, our original families are not a "horrible fate," and our adoptive parents did not "save us" as though they are God. This comparison is insulting to all involved.
Adoption is often spoken of in terms of an evangelistic mission, as if the Christianization and Americanization of children born abroad and adopted to the United States (a country, by the way, which ranks at the 20th spot for child welfare out of the 20 richest democracies in the world) is the only way those in poverty in other countries can be helped. Adoptees are equal members of their adoptive families and they deserve respect and privacy. We are not charity cases. We are not poster children for someones philanthropic or political cause.
Using phrases such as "God's Will" is presumptive and often hurtful to those who experience loss in adoption. Praying that an expectant mother surrenders her baby so that a couple can get a chance to parent is wrong; we should not be praying for the losses of others. God does not belong to just one individual in adoption, he belongs to everyone. In advocating for the orphan, Christians too often forget that God commands us to care for the widow and the orphan. We need to help families, mothers, and children together whenever we can.
Adoption is often spoken of in terms of an evangelistic mission, as if the Christianization and Americanization of children born abroad and adopted to the United States (a country, by the way, which ranks at the 20th spot for child welfare out of the 20 richest democracies in the world) is the only way those in poverty in other countries can be helped. Adoptees are equal members of their adoptive families and they deserve respect and privacy. We are not charity cases. We are not poster children for someones philanthropic or political cause.
Using phrases such as "God's Will" is presumptive and often hurtful to those who experience loss in adoption. Praying that an expectant mother surrenders her baby so that a couple can get a chance to parent is wrong; we should not be praying for the losses of others. God does not belong to just one individual in adoption, he belongs to everyone. In advocating for the orphan, Christians too often forget that God commands us to care for the widow and the orphan. We need to help families, mothers, and children together whenever we can.
"One who is gracious to a poor man lends to the LORD, And He will repay him for his good deed." --Proverbs 28:27
Adoption & Infertility
As over 80% of couples have adopted because of infertility, adoption and infertility have become almost synonymous. As someone who was adopted by infertile parents and has experienced fertility problems (PCOS) as well as pregnancy loss myself, I think it is quite heartless the way that society slaps adoption in the faces of infertile couples as though it is a panacea of sorts. Adoption does not cure infertility. It is not an adoptees job to make up for what infertility has taken away. It is not the responsibility or obligation of women with unplanned pregnancies to alleviate the rising infertility rates by surrendering to adoption.
"So, in [cases of infertility patients], adoption is chosen only when the patient has reached a state of utter desperation, if then" --Fisher, A. (2003). Still not quite as good as having your own? Toward a sociology of adoption. Annual Review of Sociology, 29(1), 335-361.
Adoption & Abortion
Adoption & Abortion
Adoptees are human beings not "abortion survivors." Abortion is a stereotype of adoption. Abortion is a decision about whether or not to continue being pregnant. Adoption is a decision about whether or not one wishes to parent. An unwanted pregnancy does not mean the resulting child is also unwanted. A lot of women experience unplanned pregnancies. Most women, who carry their pregnancies to term, choose parenting. It is far more likely that those whose mothers considered abortion are among the non-adopted and not the adopted, yet adoptees and their mothers are the individuals who get to carry this obnoxious stigma. I was not almost aborted. I was not "saved" from abortion. I was not unwanted. My mother's reproductive choices and decision-making process while pregnant are no one's business but her own. I should not be defined and valued by her reproductive choices and neither should she. We are people, real human beings with thoughts and feelings, not examples to be used for someones political stance against reproductive choice--it's a shame I would ever have to remind people of that but I do and quite often I must admit.
"Without being asked directly, several of the women indicated that adoption is not a realistic option for them. They reported that the thought of one’s child being out in the world without knowing if it was being taken care of or by whom would induce more guilt than having an abortion." --Guttenmacher, Concern for Current and Future Children a Key Reason Women have Abortions, 2008
International Adoption
The usual perception and understanding of "orphan" is a child that has no living family alive to care for them. However the UN/UNICEF definition is a child who has lost only one parent and has one parent still living. Many children in orphanages have living relatives, who, if given proper support, could take them home. Adoption is more of a bandaid than it is a solution to the problems of poverty, stigma, and abandonment. Without addressing the reasons why children end up in orphanages, orphanages will simply fill back up. We cannot look to adoption as the sole solution to these problems: what of the children who are never adopted? They cannot continue to languish in poverty. I am delighted that more programs are popping up that address these problems and try to provide children with a permanent, nurturing environment.
I also think it is a disservice to citizens of other countries to believe that the United States' way of life is superior and that we "rescue" others. Speaking of those living in other countries, women and children abroad especially, in a way that indicates they are "poor" and "helpless" does not speak to their strengths or empower them. It may also be an indication that we've failed to understand another person's culture. Different does not mean worse.
International Adoption
The usual perception and understanding of "orphan" is a child that has no living family alive to care for them. However the UN/UNICEF definition is a child who has lost only one parent and has one parent still living. Many children in orphanages have living relatives, who, if given proper support, could take them home. Adoption is more of a bandaid than it is a solution to the problems of poverty, stigma, and abandonment. Without addressing the reasons why children end up in orphanages, orphanages will simply fill back up. We cannot look to adoption as the sole solution to these problems: what of the children who are never adopted? They cannot continue to languish in poverty. I am delighted that more programs are popping up that address these problems and try to provide children with a permanent, nurturing environment.
I also think it is a disservice to citizens of other countries to believe that the United States' way of life is superior and that we "rescue" others. Speaking of those living in other countries, women and children abroad especially, in a way that indicates they are "poor" and "helpless" does not speak to their strengths or empower them. It may also be an indication that we've failed to understand another person's culture. Different does not mean worse.
"Women in developing nations who place children for adoption abroad usually do so because they are disadvantaged by terrible poverty and/or by the stigma of illegitimacy." --Fisher, A. (2003). Still not quite as good as having your own? Toward a sociology of adoption. Annual Review of Sociology
Transracial Adoption
Current adoption law does not allow couples to be denied the ability to adopt a child based on their race or ethnicity. The law does, however, allow couples to select which children they will or will not adopt based on race, ethnicity, gender, and a variety of other factors. The argument between whether or not transracial adoption should be allowed has been raging for a long time. It is acknowledged that the vast and wide majority of couples seeking to adopt in the U.S. are white. One one hand, individuals argue that children of ethnic and racial minorities being placed in white families will not learn how respond to racism or gain skills to become prominent leaders of their minority communities. Other individuals claim that this view point keeps needy children from being placed in homes when the priority should be finding homes, not making ideal matches based on race or ethnicity. I believe that by changing the focus of adoption to cater to the needs of children, instead of catering to the demand that is already on the industry, this problem can be solved. By assisting and encouraging racial and ethnic minority families to adopt from the public foster system, we can both give children good homes and make sure they are placed in families who will understand and prepare them to deal with racism and prejudice.
Suggesting an ethical change in focus in regards to adoption and race relations does not mean that I believe that interracial families formed by transracial adoption are inferior or are not doing a good job raising their children.
“One of the challenges I think for adoptive parents who adopt internationally specifically is that they sometimes feel it is not necessary to address race with their children, that it is not necessary to talk about race relations in this country……consequently the children are not aware of or prepared for how people are going to respond to them simply by the way they look.” –Dr. Joseph Cumbley
"Because the parenting goal is to have children confident enough to move through each of these cultural groups with comfort, parents of African-born adoptees must consciously encourage and participate in relationships with African Americans as well as Africans living in America." --Lisa Marie Rollins, Founder of Adopted & Fostered Adults of the African Diaspora
"Safe" Haven Laws
I think society has really missed the mark in terms of the needs of mothers when it comes to "safe" haven laws. Safe haven laws, depending on the state, allow a mother to leave her infant at a "safe" location with little recourse to regain custody should she change her mind, not leaving her name, not being offered counseling, and not being offered resources. This is despite the fact that she may be experiencing extreme hardship and be in need of resources. This also leaves the child without an identity. Laws like these are fueled by the stereotypes that say if a mother cannot abandon her baby with no questions asked, she will resort to harming it instead. This is still believed despite the fact that almost every state has a safe haven law, yet unsafe abandonments still occur any way. Mothers who bring their babies that are well cared for to a safe place (some, if not all states, stipulate that surrendering safe haven mothers are only covered under safe haven if their infants are healthy and unharmed) because they do not know what else to do, are not would-be child abusers. They deserve help and support.
Donor Conception, Surrogacy, & Embryo Adoption
Ethical discussions regarding donor conception, embryo "adoption," and surrogacy are often intertwined with adoption issues because there are similar ethical dilemmas involved.
I believe that everyone has a basic human right to know who they are and where they come from and the opportunity to use that information to trace their ancestral roots as well as request family medical history from genetic relatives, should those relatives be willing to share their medical information. Anonymous egg and sperm donation make this extremely difficult. All adults involved in the creation of a child should respect that child's right to access his or her biological ancestors, form family relationships if possible, and access information. Countries who require that birth and biological information be placed on the birth certificate or who are moving toward that end, are headed in the right direction.
Those born via embryo adoption have a lot of shared circumstances with adoptees and donor conceived persons. They too have a right to know who they are and where they come from and the opportunity to use that information to seek trace their ancestral roots as well as request family medical history from genetic relatives, should those relatives be willing to share their medical information.
Surrogacy presents many ethical issues as to agreements, changing ones mind after an agreement, and who has parental rights or responsibilities should one party change their mind during gestation or after birth. All parties ought to keep in mind the losses involved for a child who will not be continuing the bond with his or her first caregiver.
So many individuals in communities with similar issues that surround the adoptee community support us. For that, I thank them. I consider myself an ally to the fight for their rights as well.
"We can't go on treating these people as babies. They are adults with minds of their own, and we need to respect their autonomy. It is unrealistic to expect that they tolerate this." --Dr. Alex McWhinnie, University of Dundee
Concluding.....
My wishes for adoption are simple: improve health care to prevent unintended pregnancy. Empower women so that they can be in a place to parent should they desire. Support families in need so that they do not have to be separated if not necessary. Adoption for the children who are in need of a new home and family. Transparency in adoption so that the rights of a child are respected. Empowerment for adult adoptees and their families. And finally, adoption should be regulated and any exchange of money or gain of profit completely removed.
"We can't go on treating these people as babies. They are adults with minds of their own, and we need to respect their autonomy. It is unrealistic to expect that they tolerate this." --Dr. Alex McWhinnie, University of Dundee
Concluding.....
My wishes for adoption are simple: improve health care to prevent unintended pregnancy. Empower women so that they can be in a place to parent should they desire. Support families in need so that they do not have to be separated if not necessary. Adoption for the children who are in need of a new home and family. Transparency in adoption so that the rights of a child are respected. Empowerment for adult adoptees and their families. And finally, adoption should be regulated and any exchange of money or gain of profit completely removed.
“Regrettably, in many cases, the emphasis has changed from the desire to provide a needy child with a home, to that of providing a needy parent with a child. As a result, a whole industry has grown, generating millions of dollars of revenues each year . . .” --United Nations, Commission on Human Rights, 2003.
"The best interests of the child can only be served......when everyone realizes that the best interests of the child are in the best interests of the adoptive family, the birth family, and society" --BJ Lifton, Journey of the Adopted Self: a Quest for Wholeness, 1994
