Is This Really Ethical? An Open Letter to American University Professor, Prof. Kimberly Leighton

Professor Leighton,

Let me first start off by saying how glad I am that I could address this blog entry to you.  I am glad that the show that I am about to reference had an adult adoptee there to speak, even if I didn't agree with what you had to say, because the public should be asking us about these issues.  I am also glad that I am able to see adoptees doing so well; you are a testimony to that.  So many people have a skewed view of adoptees (I guess the fears about adoptees "disrupting" people's lives if records are opened is evidence of that), having smart, insightful, knowledgeable adoptees in the public eye is an important thing.  After reading another blogger talk about your recent NPR interview with Diane Rehm, I went to Ms. Rehm's website and viewed the transcript of the show.  That is why I am writing you this letter today because you talk about ethics and I care about ethics, and because we're both adopted.  As a student, I look at professors whom I consider my role models each and ever single day; I tend to think of all professors as having something to teach me.  If any one of my professors had the same viewpoints and said the same things you said in the interview, the following letter is exactly what I would say to them (my readers interested in the NPR discussion can join it here).

Get Your Hands off me: why Abortion Access is just a Small Part of What "Choice" is really about

Have you ever heard this phrase: "abortion activists [meaning pro-choice folks] only want women to choose one option and that's abortion!"  There are people who genuinely believe that "pro-choice" is the opposite of "pro-life" where they equate "pro-life" with carrying to term and "pro-choice" with "never carrying to term."  I have a fairly plausible idea that this assumption is derived from the fact that "choice" and "pro-life" are argued together as an exclusive dichotomy.  "Pro-choicers" fall into arguing for abortion and defending abortion which may send the message that individuals who are pro-choice like and prefer abortion over any other option.  It is easy to fall into this well-worn path of argument because of the rampant misinformation about abortion and women's health care that is often found in "pro-life" pregnancy resources; people fall into this argument of exclusivity because they try to correct the misinformation.  The extreme detriment of falling into this well-worn path of arguing over the "choice" vs." no choice" dichotomy surrounding unwanted pregnancy is that no one is focusing on or educating about the bigger picture that the "choice" part of this debate comes from.  Many pro-choicers themselves do not understand the larger picture of choice which is why it is important to talk about it.

Living in Fat Shame Culture and Learning to Love my "Fat" Photos Anyway

My first anniversary.  The ol' "hide my body
behind my husband and the dog and then
crop the photo" routine.

Have you ever been in that place where the sight of a camera sends you diving underneath the nearest table or reaching for your napkin to hold in front of your face?  If you're like me, you've shuddered at the loud suggestion of "group shot!" and then carefully positioned your body behind two people on either side of you.  Or maybe you've got a special pose reserved for when you can't get out of being in a picture: turn, slightly sideways, shoulder forward, and your nearest accessory (an oversized clutch will do) held at your hip to draw the eye away from the thighs and midsection and to the clutch and shoulders instead.  If you put your hands on your hips and make sure the negative space between your arms and your waist can be seen in the photo, you nearly guarantee yourself a slimmer appearance in the shot.  I am a pro at feeling-fat-in-front-of-a-camera 101.

My Dashed Ivy League Dreams

I was talking about education with someone the other day; we were discussing our long term goals.  I am continuing my education as a Social Work major now; I have to get my BSW in Social Work as the minimum requirement in my state to hold the title of "Social Worker."  My goal is really to complete an MSW.  My friend asked me what graduate schools I was applying to.  I casually started to comment that I had looked into programs, listing the names of schools as I talked.  When I got to the name of an Ivy League school that I have a good change of getting into, my friend proceeded to sit there and laugh right in my face.  I mean, it was an enormous guffaw launched across the table in my direction.  Nice.

Santorum on Rape and Abortion: you Might be Surprised About What I Have to Say About the Presidential Candidate's Most Recent Gum Flapping

I know you'd expect me to write a blog entry that rakes Santorum across the coals for his recent disclosure that he wanted to constitutionalize the personhood of a fetus and take away a woman's right to choose.  To be honest with you, I cannot decide who I am more irritated at: Santorum for his viewpoints or the liberal media for the disrespectful way they are reporting on his viewpoints.

Anti-Firefighter Mentality: Simple Truths from a Firefighter's Wife

Us at Matt's academy graduation.

I was home with my children one afternoon while my husband was at work.  We were outside playing when suddenly the quiet of the afternoon in our small town was broken with the sound of sirens on emergency vehicles sounding the alarm.  There must have been a fire or serious accident to have that many vehicles and sirens going, I thought to myself.  My toddler interrupts my thoughts; he recognizes the sounds of the sirens too.  "Is that daddy," he asks me.  "I don't know, it could be daddy," I replied.  He works part-time locally in a neighboring town that sometimes helps cover emergency services where we live.  "He's going to come home, right mommy?" my son asks casually.  My son's question is so nonchalant because he literally means to ask if his daddy is on his way home or not.  He doesn't see the irony in his words because he is not yet old enough to understand how dangerous daddy's job really is.  "Yeah, buddy," I reply.  "He always comes home."  Considering the dangerous nature of my husband's job and the fact that he and so many of his co-workers serve so willingly and gladly, the politics surrounding agencies that provide emergency services recently have been infuriating to me.  

So, my Friend Wants to Adopt a Baby.....

On occasion, people ask me "how can I adopt?"  A lot of people hear I work with "Adoptee Rights," and not understanding the term, assume that "Adoptee Rights" means advocating for expanded rights of people who want to adopt, like advocating for bigger tax credits or other laws that favor adoption in some way (yep, even with "adoptee" in the title people make that assumption).  People who know I am adopted and also know that I had fertility problems either want to know how I finally managed to get pregnant or they want me to give them some tip on how to adopt or some reassurance that everything about adoption will be wonderful.  I was stunned for a moment when I got an email from a good friend, who doesn't have a direct adoption connection but follows this blog and is supportive of me just because she's awesome, asking for advice on how to adopt a baby.  My usual mini-speech about adoption ethics that I would usually give to someone did not apply in this situation.  Believe it or not, I had no idea what to tell her.