Tuesday, June 1, 2010
The Infertile Wound
Later on, I discovered my own struggles with fertility as it took me 18 months to get pregnant with my son--a pregnancy I experienced pre-reunion and with no family health history, no idea of what to expect. I was terrified.
It took me 16 months to get pregnant again after he was born. I lost this pregnancy I lost a just few days ago.
Growing up and even now, individuals in my life who know that I have struggled with fertility frustrations with a successful pregnancy in addition to being adopted have come to me looking for hope. They think that maybe what worked for me will work for them. If it doesn't work, they I can tell them something that will make them feel good about the possible prospect of adopting.
I cannot talk about adoption with those that I love without talking about all of it. The loss. The lifelong processing of the meaning of adoption. The policy issues that need to be changed. Sometimes these things are very hard for people in the midst of grief to hear.
My original mother, my adoptive mother, and I, we all lost something, didn't we. We all gained each other. It is hard to hear about loss--but it is how we gain empathy for each other.
Amanda H.L. Transue-Woolston, MSS, LSW is a social worker, author, and speaker serving the adoption community through individual and family clinical work, groups, writing and teaching, and policy advocacy. She has participated in more than a dozen publishing projects, including authoring, The Declassified Adoptee: Essays of an Adoption Activist. Amanda is the founder of Lost Daughters, a collaborative writing project featuring more than 30 adopted women, and the founder of Pennsylvania Adoptee Rights, a grassroots policy advocacy movement. Amanda was featured as an activist by Yahoo!Voices in 2009, and is listed in Adoptive Families Magazine’s Top 20 Adoption Blogs.surrounding systems.