Sunday, May 22, 2011

Guest Post: Embracing my Backgrounds

Guest Post by Mama Bean

 Mama Bean is a bi-racial Adult Adoptee who authors her humorous blog about life and family "Update my Status." As May is Asian American Pacific Islander Heritage Month, she has graciously agreed to write a guest entry on the topic of her choice to share with us her thoughts and perspectives.


"So, what, uh... is your, like... background?"


I get asked this fairly often. I think the questioner's usually trying to not sound racist or something. But it's a natural enough question. My appearance is kind of confusing. I like to joke that I'm ambiguously Asian. On any given day, I've been mistaken for Native/Inuit, Hawaiian, Hispanic, and once, Welsh.


But what does 'background' mean? Is it just about race, what's written on my face? Or is it about culture, what's lived in my home? For non-adoptees, there is no distinction. What you're born with is also what you're raised with. But for adoptees, the divide between what's Nature and what's Nutured is wide, and sometimes confusing.


Here is the cultural mix I was raised in: I was adopted by Chinese-born parents who both emigrated when they were very young to the West Indies. They later moved to Canada after getting married. I grew up in a predominantly white neighbourhood, school, and church. So, my background is Chinese-Trinidadian-Canadian.


Here's what I know about my genetic make-up: my first mother is Chinese, my first father is white (Norwegian.) So, my background is half-Chinese, half-Norwegian.


Growing up, I didn't get too caught up in the complexities; my family's culture was my culture. I used to say, "Heredity doesn't apply to me." But as I get older, and now that I have children of my own, I want to know more about that other side of my background.


When adoptees express the desire/need to know about their genetic heritage, they are sometimes (often) charged with demonstrating ingratitude or a lack of loyalty towards their adoptive family. So I was trying to think of an illustration that explains why these desires are normal, and do not diminish the importance of the adoptive family's culture or influence.


The adoptee's experience of a division between genetic and familial heritage underscores the fact that everyone, whether adopted or not, participates in a variety of cultures. It's just like the adoption folks are always saying, "Family isn't always blood." So, okay, maybe I have a church 'family' or a profession-related 'family' or a hobby-related 'family'. Each of these groups represents its own culture, that I have learned about and internalized as something important to me. Each group has a history and a value-set that is bundled up in a 'family' code - this is the essential information. This is the group's heritage. Know this, act accordingly, and you belong.


Imagine trying to be a Christian without knowing the story of Christ or having a Bible. Could you be an effective doctor without knowing the background of disease and appropriate treatments? A knitting hobby wouldn't be much fun if I didn't have any instructions to follow, or needles and yarn to work with.


The illustration's a bit of a stretch for adoption, but it's kind of like this: I have my original family's heritage in my cells, but I don't know anything about it. So how do I function with that heritage? How do I use it, use my own body effectively, when I don't have the essential information? How could I not want to know it? It's part of my culture, it's part of my heritage, but I'm ignorant of these salient points. 

Being part of my church family, understanding my professional heritage, delving into a hobby's culture - none of this makes me less my parents' daughter. No one judges me for wanting to know more about church history, or attending continuing education classes for my job, or taking music lessons in my spare time. So it should be for wanting to know my original family's heritage. It's just another part of me, another culture that I am naturally invested in. Because it's part of my identity. It's written all over my ambiguously Asian face.


4 comments:

Lori said...

I kind of see it like owning a race car and not knowing how to drive...... maybe I'm wrong.

shescomeundone1958 said...

I understand completely, of course you want to know your culture and heritage. Most everyone does. I wish that "people" were more understanding about an adopted person's need and perogative to gather this knowledge. It seems that many (people) try to project their own ideologies of what adoption is or isn't, and how we, who are involved in adoption, should or should not feel and act, especially in regards to gathering information about or getting to know one's original family.

It seems to me that you have your boundaries for your self firmly in place, and have found some peace with honoring those boundaries and needs. I imagine that took some doing on your part. Thank you for sharing a piece of your journey.

oneinchofgrace said...

I think a big problem is the idea that adoptees should feel some gratitude toward their adoptive parents for "saving" them. If we didn't have this, I'm sure a lot of adoptees wouldn't feel so guilty about their search.

Mila said...

"Imagine trying to be a Christian without knowing the story of Christ or having a Bible. Could you be an effective doctor without knowing the background of disease and appropriate treatments? A knitting hobby wouldn't be much fun if I didn't have any instructions to follow, or needles and yarn to work with."

Great analogies, Mama Bean.