Tuesday, July 17, 2012

The Untold Nativity of a Blog Post

Jack thinks he helped me
write this blog post.

If you're not a blogger, have you ever wondered what goes into the making of a blog post?  For the first time, I share my secrets.  Do you blog?  Share your secrets with us too.

How I Write a Declassified Adoptee Blog Post in 20 Easy Steps
  1. Attempt to capture blog post idea on a disheveled napkin while parked in my car.  Blog post ideas most often occur to me in my car because that is one of the only places where I can think for five minutes straight without being interrupted by someone.
  2. Angrily growl at the pen whose ink has dried up, and search the car for a new pen.
  3. Attempt not to lose the napkin.
  4. Chase my toddler around my house trying to get the napkin out of his clutches before he rips it or chews on it.
  5. Start writing the blog post at midnight.  This is another instance when I am most likely to be able to sit and think for five minutes straight without being interrupted by someone.
  6. Let the dog out so that I can let him back in again ten seconds later.  Repeat.
  7. Type a good deal of the blog post.
  8. Get annoyed at the blog post, leave it in draft, and start typing something else.
  9. Go back to typing original blog post again.
  10. Grumble at writer's block.  Stare at frozen fingers on keyboard.
  11. Start typing out all of the lyrics to whatever song is on my iTunes at the time, just to start typing again.
  12. Resume the blog post.
  13. Read the blog post in the "preview" window and go back to tweak things.  Repeat.
  14. Curse at Blogger for reformatting my post and putting line breaks where they shouldn't be.  Edit the html of my post and remove the crap Blogger inserted for no apparent reason.  Consider whining at my favorite tech guru, Triona, even though it's not even remotely her fault.
  15. Go back to preview screen.  Yell at Blogger some more.  Fix more html.
  16. Let the dog out and back in again.
  17. Obsess about the fact that I am terrible at grammar.  Contemplate changing my major to English just to improve my blog postings (OK, and because I really like reading too).
  18. Waste 15 minutes reading snarky blogs and looking at pictures of lolcatz with funny subtitles.
  19. Tweet at Daniel Tosh and remind him he's only marginally funny or make an annoyed, passive aggressive Tweet about feminism or Tweet about food (yeah, it's usually food).
  20. Fret for a good 10 minutes about who my blog post is going to offend.  Spend 5 additional minutes having a philosophical discussion in my head where I over-complicate the delicate balance between being forthright and not offending my audience.  Hit "publish."
That's really all there is to it!