Adoptee Rights Coalition - the Fight to obtain our Original Birth Certificates: Register to Attend the 2012 Adoptee Rights Demonst...

Adoptee Rights Coalition - the Fight to obtain our Original Birth Certificates: Register to Attend the 2012 Adoptee Rights Demonst...: August 6th, 2012 in Chicago, Illinois Chicago...it's our kind of town! The 2012 Adoptee Rights Demonstration at the National Conference o...

Are you Adoption Competent?

In more recent years, people have been asking "what is adoption competence?" and "how do I know if someone is adoption competent?"  You would think we'd have a pretty good answer to this question by now seeing as the formalized institution of modern adoption in this country is over 100 years old.  We can probably thank the "as if born to" and "blank slate" movements (coined by David Kirk as the "Denial of Difference" coping model) in mid-early adoption history for this.  Since adoption was seen as being no different and presenting no more and no less challenges than being born into a biological family, it wasn't always acknowledged that there is a necessity for specific knowledge in adoption-related issues.  People new to the concepts talked about on this blog may wince at the word "different."  Please don't equate "different" with "bad."  There's nothing wrong for being different from someone else.  Also know, this isn't just exclusive to adoptees.  Original parents, especially mothers, had their own version of it as they were told to "go home and forget" their babies.  Adoptive parents too were often told that adopting a child was the perfect resolution to not being able to bear children.  And when you're so busy not being different, no one asks you if you are OK during your experience of difference within society.  No one can advocate for you if they don't know what you go through.  This is perhaps no better typified by my adoption in 1985.  My original mother surrendered me and went home; no counselling.  My adoptive parents adopted me, were told "she might have some questions but that's about it" and went home; no counselling.  This, from the largest adoption agency in the United States!  So here we are, we're acknowledging difference and the strengths and challenges difference entails in adoption more than ever.  So, we have to answer the question, what does adoption competence look like?

We're Everywhere!!!!

I have a million and one (OK, maybe five) entries on this blog in draft form waiting to be finished.  I've been wanting to post something but, as I am back out in the field again, I am so incredibly tired and lacking the motivation needed to finish them right now.  I am hoping the weekend will rejuvenate me.

What I will share with you is something cool that happened today (with a new friend, not a client.  I don't talk about my clients on my blog).

I mentioned to someone today that I'm adopted.  We were talking about family stuff and I could sense it was about to get confusing what with all my various parents entering into the conversation and all.  I don't always get into the "I'm adopted" conversation with people, unless they ask.  For some reason, I felt like I could tell her.

Then she told me, she's adopted too.

When it's just two adoptees around, these conversations always seem to go the same way.  Who adopted you?  Are you reunited?  How do you feel about it?  Do other people in your life try to understand your feelings or tell you you're ridiculous?  Yeah, we know we're not ridiculous; it's nice to find another adoptee out there to remind you of that.  I'm glad you told me you were adopted; it's nice not to be alone in the world.

It was like talking to an old friend.